I’ve always believed if I let simple things take up my life they will bring my visions and my potential down and I will be distracted from my true path. But what’s success anyway? Success in those big things but not having the simpler things in life…is that true success?

So i was just lounging on my couch, sipping some chocolate milk lol. I always rush home and get on my comp and go nuts trying to get things done. I realize I’ve been missing out on some of the more simple things in life. but the question is, do these simple things of the present eventually take me away from the future plans and dreams?

I guess there should be a balance i guess but balancing isn’t my forte.. haha…

Anyway, updates updates!
I went to the switchfoot concert, which you should have heard about on my twitter, FB and youtube. I’ve posted up full coverage of the concert including how my friend got up on stage to play bass with the band and i high fived the lead singer. XDD

And here’s an overdue street live video:

On other news, here’s a secret ;) I have submitted Secondhand Memories to my agent and he is dealing with that soon. I have no idea how to format a submission or anything like that so not sure if it’ll need lots of changes. hahaha! Hopefully its on its way to publication some time. I know it needs so much editing still.. its still at like 90,000 words almost… which means no sane publisher would want to publish something that big…. lol. ARG. I need to edit stuff out… > < but lets just see where it goes right now.

Book Two has started, and I'm also back in the Textnovel game. I will be managing a few upcoming projects on Textnovel. Make sure you head on over to the forums and check out what's going on! We definitely need help. Lots of help. Let me know if you can help~

But what do we do? How do we reconcile with God and be on the right path? Salvation is not the end of the journey, church, salvation is only the beginning. before the Throne, will God say I do not know you even if you have healed the sick, cast out demons, preached, led worship, in the name of the Lord? Does God really know us? Do we have a relationship with God and are transformed, bearing good fruit, being holy and blameless for the rest of the race?

http://www.testimoniesofheavenandhell.com/2011/03/angelica-zambrano-was-shown-the-kingdoms-of-heaven-and-hell-and-the-return-of-christ/

LOL we are so similar. we are facing the same kind of dilemmas or situations in pursuing our dreams. What’s the next step, what to do and so forth. But i guess the perception of our world is also something we talked about.

Currently, I’m in some huge period of depression. I’ve ranted here and there about my life, my dreams, how hard it seems to get there, and how much i think i suck. And I still do think these things. People born with a beautiful voice. they can write anything, sing any song, and make it sound good. They’re just talented. Born talented. I’m not. I have to try so hard to write a good song, use the right chords, sing in the right way, even eat the right things, sleep early, and do all these things to make sure my diaphragm or vocal cords would perform well before i do anything music related. Still, in most of my youtube recordings and all, it wasn’t a “good time”. It was just when i felt i had to record it. or I just wrote something and i had to get it down. But even if i was at my peak, I’d still sound bad. That is my personal belief and I’m sure many agree, though some might not. I mean, if I had an amazing voice, anything i did would sound good and people would appreciate that. That said, it means that much more pressure… to write something good or whatever. And even now, that proves to be hard. Even putting my emotions or dark thoughts on to a sad song is impossible. Everything is just hard. That’s extremely frustrating. I’m losing my mood and drive for just about everything. Design, literature or music. I’m so weary. weary of fighting so hard for these things. When nothing is coming out of it. Sure, maybe i just give up too easily or am a total emo. I have too much hope sometimes. In many things. Not just my dreams and passions. But in any case, until the day something comes out of this, it’ll still seem like nothing’s coming out of it. That’s just the reality. You can’t always hope and be optimistic when there’s nothing happening. That gets really tiring. that’s where i am right now. Opportunities don’t seem to come.

But this brings me to more thoughts from what we’ve been talking about. It is more about the world. It’s not just me but it’s everyone. Many close friends many people have the same issues. Where they’re going in life, what to do with their talents and passions and dreams. There are many many who don’t have passions or dreams and are stuck with a complacent lifestyle, satisfied or just nonchalant about what they’re doing. They’ll slave away at jobs, finish their university degrees, do everything that society deems is appropriate or normal. And in the end, that’s their life. It ends up with nothing. Just them and their bubble. But there’s also some who are like me. I’m glad that today i was able to have this conversation, to realize that i’m not alone in this way of thinking. But in fact, many of us have the same desires. And these people who are aware and who do see what’s going on in the world, and see who they truly are…. are the ones who are unemployed, lost and wandering.

The world and the system is suffocating those of us with that kind of fire in our heart. Opportunities do not come and so on. But moreover, what’s more important is that we are lacking guidance. for most of my life, all of the ten-fifteen years i’ve been in my church, I’ve had next to no counselling, no mentorship, no guidance. This isn’t just me. This is everyone. Not just people in our church, not just christians, but everyone. All of my friends who are wandering, wondering what they’re doing… we don’t have any guidance.

This is the effect of the system we have currently. The world has changed but the system doesn’t realize it. The education system is horrible messed up. I know alot more than what most of us know because i am actually part of the school board, i teach classes, i’ve worked in the school board, my mom works for the school board, and i know many people who work for the school board. Sure, you may have been a student for a long time, or you may talk to or know teachers, but until you get behind the scenes you won’t know what’s going on. The kind of politics, the kind of depression most teachers are going through here and now in the school board. The corrupt system. It has gotten worse over the past ten years. People have become utterly selfish behind the scenes. Principals, teachers. All there to just earn money, no longer having any heart to serve the next genration. When i was in elementary school, there were still many who had a heart. But now, there is less and less. Less and less of a vision, less and less of a heart and passion to help kids grow. Now that’s only a brief mention about that aspect. The amount of stress and pressure teachers have now, due to factors like, the new youth generation/culture that is arising and the lack of support from employers/leaders on top of the ladder, as well as the politics, drama, gossip, hatred between teachers, parents and everyone alike. this is a reoccuring theme that we will revisit later in this post. Keep in mind these words: isolation and suffocation.

For teachers, teaching has become almost purely just a fight, a war between teachers and their kids. a war between teachers and the parents. a war between teachers and their bosses. a war between teachers. There’s a lot more detail i could go into. But i don’t want to gossip, so we’ll just talk about for example, classroom management. The youth nowadays are really really messed up. Seriously. No better way to say it. not only is it behaviour, like how they test you, your endurance, your patience, your rules and so forth (because pretty much any kid would do that – though perhaps it was better many years ago) but there is a new inbred disease. A cultural disease – a result of pop culture, a result of parenting and society/system. For example, that negativity in everyone. EVERYONE. not just kids. But in the kids, i see it so much in the classes i teach and in the stories form teachers i hear… the kids no matter what happened, no matter what situation always has comments and something to say. And they’re all negative! “This sucks” “this is boring” are standard but there’s a lot more that is worse than that… not necessarily all the time what they say but the attitude they say it, and how often they say it. It’s almost like nothing to them is good anymore. it’s like they’ve lost their innocence. This is something brought down from the adults and society in general. I haven’t thought about it long enough about the roots of this. But in our parents alot of them seriously don’t know how to parent. We can’t blame them (and in this post, don’t take anything as blame, but just an analysis at what’s going on). But that’s the root. In the parents, in the media, in everything… there is a negative spirit. It transcends much more than the content or what’s said and so forth. but its something that is already seeded in everything we do. Right now, right here, i am being negative and judgemental. Negative spirit though doesn’t just mean negative comments or negativity but it includes things like a sneering kind of attitude, a selfish attitude and so forth. Everything is about yourself now. Human rights have become no longer something that protects us as people but it’s something people abuse to gain the upperhand over someone else! It’s like taking freedom of speech as meaning you can say anything even if it hurts someone else. It’s putting your own self over others without considering people’s feelings. We see this too much. This is an example of our negative culture. It’s in EVERYTHINg. everybody. Whether it’s in politics, human rights movements, in our youth who put down each other, who argue over small things, in the adults raising complaints against teachers. Instead of anything constructive to help someone grow, to encourage change, or positive responses, only the most negative destructive judgemental things are said.

This is seriously boggling my mind to think about it. I just hope people out there reading this can see what i’m saying. If you really think about it from all aspects…. I hear alot of stories of parents complaining to teachers, to principals and stuff about a teacher… based on what? based on a story the kid told. Do you have any idea how untrustworthy the children are? They are totally not innocent anymore. They fabricate stories about their teachers. This is a bad teacher or whatever. They don’t know how to teach. blah blah blah. They insulted me! They hit me! etc etc. thats just the most basic of examples… Yet, what is the reason for their lack of learning? Possibly because they are talking and laughing away with their friends every class? Possibly because they skip class? Possibly its their fault. Not to say its not the teachers fault. But everything has two sides to it. But no, parents take their childrens’ word as law and take it against the teachers. How do they do it howver? not nicely. With a very malicious attitude, swearing, yelling, making a loud ruckus. If the principal doesn’t handle it well (so they say) they will take it to the authorities. Uhh… what does that sound like? Like a whining child. Do it my way! Or else! Yes.. all about selfishness. “Their rights” Basically they want that teacher fired. some say that outright. Not only do they not consider the teachers’ feelings, or what their life story is, how much they’re struggling or something, and don’t realize that they are powerless. How can YOU fire a teacher? like… not even the principal can… who do you think you are? The subject of debate isn’t even something the teacher may have done wrong, or against the law. In those cases, where its clear then there’s no doubt. But it’s bias and based on personal opinion or a story from a child. Oh i rant too much. This is going too specific.

Anyway where was i. But yes, there is a spirit of negativity. Not just in children, adults, not just in the world, but everywhere. MY rights. MY world. MY way. Everything else sucks.

Okay so teaching has become like that. No wonder the education is messed up. In any case. Because of all this, teachers have lost heart, lost passion. People are there only to be paid pretty much… this doesn’t just translate in education but all across the world, in all industries and in all workforces. Most are there just because they need money. That is definitely no attitude to work. The product of the labour would be fruitless. It would be harmful.

Now teachers have lost heart. This brings us to the students’ side. Many of us are so lost. To this day, like i said. I am lost and never had any guidance in my life. There are many like me. To this day. Some go into university just because their parents want them to. Some go into university just because eveyrone does. Or society expects it. Everyone goes into university now. That’s the standard. Get a degree. Yet most don’t even know what they want to do with their life. Without that knowledge… how can they do well in school? Many flunk, drop out, switch majors, etc. Those that prevail… eventually end up in some job they are not vaguely interested in… producing more of those people mentioned above. I will call them zombies. Working without a heart, without a care, just for money. Parents always say stuff like… get a degree so you can have a back up, or so you can make some good money. You’ll have to be independent some day, raise a family and such. even if someone goes into university for that reason, that is NO REASON to go into unviersity! Without knowing what to do with your life, without knowing what exactly ur studying, or studying for? What’s that going to amount to?? We are here for a reason! If you don’t know your reason then you’ll waste your entire life. Indeed, getting a degree in my opinion may be very limiting. AFter the degree, you need to find a job. This is almost expected. This is almost something everyone accepts. at that age, you are thinking of your significant others, and perhaps the future as a family and so forth. So find a job it is. Those that do not, and there are many who either can’t find significant others because everyone in society is just so messed up (all of us are) and don’t click, are selfish, self-centered, can’t understand the opposite sex etc or have other plans… even then, many might not know what they are doing. Some might work just to go on vacation, to have fun. To go clubbing. to buy the next gadget, or to buy a car, or whatever. Driven by trivial temporary immediate pursuits. Its rare to find people who actually know whothey are, know what they’re on this earth for, and know where their dreams and passions and talents lie. Those type of people who are at that step, many of THOSE don’t know their next step. Are lost, they don’t know where they’re going or how to get where they want to be. They dont’ have the right connections and opportunities or what not. (this is me). In the end, if these people don’t find a living, they will be forced to return to be zombies. Yes, all this results in zombies. Those who are not… are VERY rare. VERY VERY rare. I’ve been talking about the different type of people i see (tho im sure there are more perhaps but those are the main situations)… i’ve said many, and then many in that category, and then many in that category and even many in that become zombies. so what we’re left with is a very very small number. Those who actually find their way to their rightful path, to their reason for living.

That’s for people my age i guess. Many of us are lost and wandering. What do we do with our lives? at this point it is so crucial. Because the wrong choice or without finding the right path SOON, you end up a zombie. Once you end up a zombie, the ropes come and tie you down til you have no way out. I.e. if you have a family, you need to have a steady income to support your family etc… then… you really have no choice and not much room or leeway to move about. Unless you become rich. But then, it would be quite a while down the line and even then, your passions might have been killed by what you’ve had to go through. By then, things may have changed. by then you may be lacking the energy and fire. By then perhaps you are so materialistic. you’ve tried your hardest to become rich. in that case, it’s quite rare to be able to break away from the “system”. I use the word “system” alot and very freely. It means the way of the zombies, or the way that is expected, the norm, the standard, the expectations of society, the rules of modern life in the 21st century and so forth.

so for people in my generation who are mainly absorbed with the rest of their lives… where’s the support? Same thingi mentioned before. Isolation, suffocation. Who’s our closest friends? In university many friends are scattered all over the place. We no longer really have close friends. who do we turn to in times of need, do they actually care and support us? The people we just party with? The people we just laugh with? Who will guide us and help us find our future path? Professors are so distant, the adults are distant even though we are turning into adults soon. This isolation, in turn creates suffocation. Burning out for those who have passions, burning out for those who don’t know what they’re doing. What on earth are we doing? Why are we fighting so hard and continuing on doing the same things? course there’s a lot more i can say. And course there may be exceptions. Or you can think you’re an exception. But let me ask you when you’re in your period of depression. Who cares for you? Who’s your support?

But that’s enough about us. Moving to our younger generations, high schoolers. They face the same issue about what to do with their life. But more over they are influenced by media. I see so many who have lost their innocence, whether its sex, drugs, materialism, and just horrific lifestyles. Clubbing, spending, indulging themselves in temporary pleasures… that’s where they learn all that. Society has changed a lot. Now, guys and girls have physical contact sometimes in the most intimate ways…. just for fun. Even friends do it. for fun, for jokes. whatever it is. In high school it’s also about love and relationships that become like the wind, so temporary, something that no one cares about anymore. Something just for fun. They learn lies, deceit, cheating, destroying of trust and values. learning pain and hate. people are getting hurt and being crushed emotionally. Instead of caring for one another and people’s feelings, there is selfishness. I mean… that’s really really messed up. And already, i’m no longer part of this generation and i dont’ know half the things that go on now. I just know what i’ve observed and what i’ve heard. In any case, this brings us back to our two special words. All these things high schoolers absorb… turns them into zombies. Yes, everything turns us into zombies. Everything isolates and suffocates. If you ask whether high schoolers who indulge in all the things above, whether they actually have people that care about them, or close friends etc. Sure, they can fake it and say yes, i love my bff. all those pics on facebook together, all the time spent together, all the laughs and stuff. But ask them again in their times of depression. Everyone feels like no one cares for them. no exceptions really. Everyone has their own stories. But yes, isolation. In the crowd, in a club, in a wild party with friends… there may be some of the most lonely people ever. There is no support. This same pattern. Do you see? No support from family because they don’t understand us. Parents are so distant. Sometimes high schoolers admit to hating their parents. They want us to go into university. study something we don’t want to do. they aren’t even interested in our talents. We’re always told to do things we don’t want to do. Don’t go out with friends. Either that or they don’t even care. They don’t even know if we’re home. Or they’re not even home. The stuff we study in school feels so irrelevant to the world we see. everything now is about the visual world, the virtual world, the media and so forth. Once again, i really am barely scratching the surface. But hope it paints the picture. isolation. no support. no care. and then comes suffocation.

Even in elementary school, they are exposed to media and they lose their innocence. Grade 4s on Facebook? Gossiping and listening to slutty songs on the radio? and they play things like the song friday in the PA systems. Party on the weekends. That’s right. that’s what it’s all about. The root of the things i mentioned above, they learn that there. In elementary school, its about being forced to do what they don’t want. Also having the back up of parents when something doesn’t go right. The parents will blame the teachers for sure. They learn a negative human right kind of view of society. Fight for what you want. It’s all about what you want to do. I’ve seen so many elementary school kids throw tantrums because most are well, spoiled. Their parents do everything for them. Right from kindergarden to grade 8. They’ve got their parents taking care of it all and its taken for granted. They learn no life skills. Instead they learn to take what they want, to complain, whine and be selfish. It’s like all about materialism .the gadgets, video games, trading cards, toys etc. Show off what you got and get what you want. I teach my classes and ask them for input on themes or subjects for projects. if asked what makes them happy, at that age they will only say things like… my toys, my games and so forth. Whatever happened to going on a trip with your family?

I think everything boils down to how messed up the system itself is. The education system is really really outdated. The world and society has changed. The influence of the media, parenting, and all kinds of themes in this world… It’s changed the generations. And it’s getting worse. the form of teaching now and the curriculum is very suffocating for the students. Students at any age lack care and lack guidance. Even to this day, i lack guidance. What we lack is mentorship. We need to have a structure where we not only connect to students personally, perhaps one on one, but we aim to educate in morals, values, life skills, compassion and consideration for others, everything a parent should do (because they aren’t doing their job), and also to bring out the best in kids. help them find their talents, their identity, and where to go with their lives. This is a lifelong journey, it starts right from elementary all the way throughout adulthood. Building the right foundations and helping them discover themselves will go a long way in the future. as they get older, the system needs to gently guide them to the right directions where they will be able to work their potential. Whatever their gifts and talents are, they need to link up with that industry and people in that industry that will help them settle in and find their career path. this is a mentorship process. this is a journey… the education system no longer provides the right support and the right journey. i really believe in this new education system based on mentorship, personal connection and support. of course everything has its own disadvantages. i dont know how many students would actually want to personally connect with a mentor. some might be shy or just reject such an idea. they might feel that it would be like someone controlling their life. in reality we want the mentor system to empower them not to tell them what to do but get them to find out for themselves what they would like to choose. and then link them up with their choice and make it possible for them to fulfil their dreams. in any case this idea isn’t new, some ppl want to do it, some might have done it already but it should be a larger force and more students should be educated in such a way. Now how to find those mentors is difficult too. Like it will have to start small. Find some good mentors initially and then in turn, their mentees become good mentors as they grow up, mentoring more mentees. slowly this system will build up some good mentors. From the beginning it’ll have to be really small. its really a chain actually. Everything is cause and effect. If one is cared for and raised well, then in turn they may be a positive influence. However, most of us are messed up. Myself included of course. In terms of mentorship… For example if I myself find a good mentor in the actual industry i’m interested in, then in turn after learning from my mentor, I will mentor someone younger than me probably in high school, in turn after getting mentored by me, the high schooler might mentor an elementary school student. (assuming that we all become good mentors because of our own mentors LOL) problem is there is no standard to know whether we’ll be a good mentor or not. That must be somehow planned. Perhaps a sort of application process, training and so forth. (just like how teachers have to be qualified) But there might also a requirement that those who have been mentored are responsible to mentor someone younger at least for a period of time or something. Because if this isn’t continued, there will be a lack of mentors and people will once again no longer have a personal connection and personal guidance.

Anyway, in church itself is another example. The politics come actually from that same negative spirit and selfishness. My way, not God’s, not anyone else’s but MY way. Because of all this, in church you no longer find that care or support. in the decade i’ve been at church, not once have i had a proper mentor. that is sad. very sad. especially when a spiritual journey definitely needs guidance from mentoring. People burn out when they serve in church because of isolation and suffocation. Serving just becuase you have to, or just because that is how the program works. Serving out of your own effort rather than the power of God or by the conviction of the Holy Spirit. that’s all very dangerous. not only do people burn out but it will harm everyone else spiritually. Many of us, the youth, the adults, find church boring, or find a lack of love or care. Instead, conversations are worldly. About guitars, about vacations, about clothing…. the things you’d expect from non-christians. Moreover, people don’t realize this. They think everything’s all dandy. The church perhaps is one of the most horrific examples of the work of the forces of darkness. I could go more into it but i think i’ve overkilled this entire negative spirit, isolation, suffocation topic. it should be enough that you might think for yourself and see some of these things.

Anyway isolation, suffocation is the way the world operates now. I believe there is a force out there that is striving to destroy all human beings. Crush them spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I sound really negative don’t i? But when i think about what’s going on, the world is seriously sinking. it is so messed up. Many will try and argue otherwise and you can still enjoy life or enjoy the things you have, the experiences you get and so forth. Having fun with friends and so forth is good and all. But that’s something only said if people don’t see the big picture. Those are the things that are temporary and immediate. That is not what life is about. Many aren’t aware and do not see the bigger picture. Clearly, perhaps many are within their small circle of friends, in their own bubbles and probably one of those who are conditioned to becoming a zombie as mentioned above.

wow im relaly not coherent. I’m tired and there’s just too much on my mind. More to be said another time. maybe i’ll edit this post as i see fit.

SECONDHAND MEMORIES BOOK TWO HAS BEGUN. WOOOHOOOOOO! further more, i read the last few chapters of book one and was completely blown away… at my own writing LOL. Rereading after a long time is so refreshing. I felt all the emotions that I was trying to portray… like just like one of my reader’s comment, it was so eerily calming, sad, tragic, moving, touching and all that together. In a way it was the perfect resolution to the story, and not very predictable. So that’s good. But i was surprised at the caliber of my writing i guess in the second half or later parts of the novel… lmao I’m delightfully surprised. hahaha

I’d suggest you to reread some of book one if you can, and remind yourself what happened and what kind of emotions the characters and us as readers were feeling before delving into book two.

There’s only a few chapters up so more will come as we go. Right now, nothing’s happening really. XP

BUT YES IT HAS BEGUUUUUNNNN!!!!

On another note, here’s some more videos…

overdue vlog of us picking up the new guitar!

videos on queue: toz’s street live, something special street live version, vlog from worship practice, japanese club final dinner, summer camp 2011 trailer, also rerecorded something special, so all that and more is coming soon

Anyway, I hope you’ve been following my twitter and my youtube. I also have a new facebook page now which is very lonely, so please go “like” it. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Takatsu/182301178485727 Don’t forget to subscribe, like, fav, and share my youtube channel as well. http://youtube.com/takanovel I’ve been doing lots of vlogs with some hilarious things and lots of songs. You’ll keep up to date with what i’m doing there. Definitely vlogs and twitter.

Alot of things happened… I’ve printed my business cards and finished my portfolio site for my design stuff. http://stevenktlee.com and i’ve been busy with trying to become a professional hahaha. So i’ve been going out to network alot. It incurs such great expenses… driving or commuting everywhere and going out all the time. Networking is super important to business but it’s so expensive. So as a result, at the moment, I’m trying to find a full time design job of some sort. About all of that, I did a vlog Episode 1 of “Adventures of the Entrepreneurs” which is some really hilarious stuff. Check it out:

Other than that, been doing a lot of music. Wrote quite a number of songs including the mother’s day song for my mom.

not the greatest recordings, since I always record right after i wrote the song so i barely know it haha

Events like going to the Far East Movement Concert downtown with my friend (footage on my youtube),
Japanese club final dinners (footage coming soon), did my first ever street live with singer-songwriter Toz, (first footage is out, more songs coming),

and just finished a downtown toronto photowalk/photoshoot tour. It was soooo amazing. such a beautiful glorious day and hit up so many spots that I never knew about. Like harbourfront, CN tower and skydome, graffiti alley with the most amazing graffiti artwork and murals ever, parks and High Park! omg so beautiful. The cherry blossoms and all. It was amazing. took lots of photos which i’m sorting through.

I also did a photoshoot and collected lots of videos for future music video projects.
You can see the great pics here:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.182893775093134.42345.182301178485727

I’m still not finished editing my novel… lol. fail.

Plans for this summer break:

-finish novel, send it off with agent
-record a professionally done mini-album
-finish first official music video
-perform at events
-find a full time design job
-establish my design firm with friend
-learn some film production
-get a DSLR or NEX and do more photography

but other than that, there’s too much going on. So many immediate things I have to take care of as well… Like summer camp that’s coming up. I pretty much run this thing.

Japan Benefit Concert Part 1: Pre-show

Footage from before the show! Driving, talking, jamming, Eaton Center, and arrival at the venue!

Japan Benefit Concert Part 2: Our Performance

Footage from our little pre-show acoustic performance in the lounge/bar area! Thanks to all who were there!

Japan Benefit Concert Part 3: The Bands + Talk

Post-performance thoughts, the Japanese International Students’ Association (JISA) table, the awesome bands and messages from bands!

Japan Benefit Concert Final Part: Extras + Chat

Post-concert thoughts, talk about the bands, music, the experience, “dangerously low” and listen to our conversation on our trip home!

Thanks for the awesome experience and for everyone who came out!

Been quite busy lately with preparing for this concert coming up on April 15th. It’s a fundraising concert for Japan and I will be performing there!!! omg so excited. It was real spontaneous, they emailed the Japanese club about being a part of it to set up a booth for our fundraising campaign. I decided to email them also to ask if they needed any more musicians. And they were like we’d love to have you! I was surprised. Anyway, I’m only opening the show, not on the main stage, but before the actual concert area opens, I will be performing where everyone will be hanging out, the main lobby/bazaar area. Nevertheless, that is freaking awesome. I’d really enjoy a chill informal area like that.

Personal feelings… I’m nervous. This is like the first time performing outside of any event related to church in any shape or form. I have played in front of 300 hundred people before, but it was also for church-ish events. Only event that wasn’t, was this talent show my friend from church organized which turned out to be relatively formal and big. Still, it was from church connections! Also, I’ve always performed with a band, never solo! This time its a solo act. Also it’s the first time I’m playing my own original songs. :P

Originally, I had a few friends joining me. But they ditched bc everyone has exams and stuff. I had a second vocalist, drummer and possible guitarist but I’m solo now xD Also seems like not many friends will be showing up at all… No back up. Well, good luck on exams everyone. At first I was totally disappointed and scared out of my mind. LOL But then i sat down and thought about it.

This is the perfect time for me to learn and to grow as a musician. I think I suck. But you know what, who cares? First, these are the excuses: I’m going to represent Japanese/Asian culture and the Japanese club from my university. I’m singing two songs with Japanese in it. I’m filling in time before the show. They should be going easy on me. lol. Second, I’ve committed to doing it right from the begininng. This is a very rare opportunity to come by randomly and there’s also alot of people from the music industry there, other bands, musicians, record label people perhaps? I don’t know. But it’s a first for me. It’s super exciting. Right from the beginning I knew this was like the only chance I would have to perform my songs live in a while. I’m definitely doing it no matter what. It’s a personal challenge. To abandon everything and just do it. JUST DO IT. If i can post youtube videos, if i can perform or lead worship in front of people, I can do this. Solo or not. The bigger the challenge the more fun it will be to take it on. I’ve adopted the i don’t care attitude.

I don’t know where I’m playing, never seen it before. I don’t know how big the area is, how noisy it may be, whether i’ll have a mic, whether people will listen or like my music. It’s an indie night supposedly, most of my stuff are acoustic pop. Neverthless, I’m doing it! No matter what. It’s a personal challenge, a test of courage. I’m pretty sure there will be lots of friendly people there. I’m pretty sure people might appreciate what i’m doing or what i’m representing.

Thirdly, I want to grow as a musician. This is something I have to learn. My favourite artists and musicians, they all say the same things. Their love for music is everything. When they’re on stage or performing, they are truly enjoying what they’re doing. They didn’t get up on that stage for fame but because they loved it. Love for music comes first. I need to be in that state where nothing matters. I don’t care about discouragement or criticism. I just enjoy music. On the stage, when people are watching, they shouldn’t matter. I should be in the moment and completely absorbed into my music. So during these few days left, during the coming week, I’m making sure i enjoy every song that i’m performing. that I enjoy my music and the chance to let people listen to it. That I love what i’m doing, love who i am, love the way I sound.

I always hated my own skills or talent or lack of talent etc. But you know what, if I love music enough, it doesn’t matter. Love it so much, it transcends skill. It’s not about skill but it’s about just doing music. Being able to do my music must be the best feeling ever. Some of these songs actually mean alot to me when i take time and reflect to it. It’s not just stuff i just write just because. But it’s stuff that is built into who i am.

If there’s no one i know there, all the better.

The only thing I really hope for, is that I will perfectly prepared so i know every song front to back, without any mistakes and be in my best possible condition, in body, mind, soul, health, vocally etc. I want to do my best… Who wants to suck? I don’t lol. I just want to be the best that’s possible for me.

The preliminary set list is as follows:

Ashita No Yume (Version 2! original)

It’s You (original)

Smile/Heal the World Medley (Charlie Chaplin/MJ cover)

Daybreak (original)

Goodbyes (original)

IF YOU ARE IN TORONTO! COME OUT TO THE EVENT!!!! ITS AT 8PM DUNDAS and OSSINGTON? THE GARRISON is the name of the place. COME OUT AND SUPPORT ME AND THE CAUSE!!! AWESOME BANDS ARE PLAYING AS WELL. hope it’ll be awesome fun.

And lastly, here’s some special poser screenshots from the It’s You “MV” LOL i figured they’d make pretty good profile pictures and stuff.

Peace

-Taka

Most of you know how much YUI means to me, I’ve talked about it on my youtube channel, you’ve read it in my blogs, tweets, and even in my story itself. Today I realized something more.

YUI is on a different level of any artist. It’s not about her skill in singing or guitar or anything. In fact, if I honestly compare her to many artists out there, she may pale in comparison in skill. Yet, it’s the magic in her music. It’s her love for the music. Why is she the one who i return to all the time, after months of listening to other artists, drifting from genre to genre, she is still at my heart. All throughout these past years where i listened to her, i’ve followed her life story. Watched her grow, watched her become successful, watched her music develop and change. I haven’t heard one of her oldest songs for a while. Upon watching the below video again, about her live in 2007, I’m brought back to my roots. The core of my dreams, my beliefs and my passion. It’s her music that is so pure, so innocent, so powerful in that way. It’s pure. It’s pure music. It’s all her dreams, all her feelings, every ounce of her passion brought out. It floors me. Completely floors me. It’s music at its simplest form. It’s not her technique nor beautiful voice. I remember when i first heard her song I was like, I don’t like her voice. It grew on me of course. But, her music is full of magic. The aura she has on that stage, when she sits down, lights a candle and just strums away on her guitar; simple chords. Nothing to it. It’s music at its purest form, the language of dreams and love.

I watched this video, hope you enjoy it and see the same things I do, even if you might not have followed YUI or like her music/voice etc:

YUI – 01 – It’s Happy Line 【LIVE at BUDOKAN 2007】

The lyrics to this song:

Who am I living for?
The cloudy days pass me by.
This weakness, this pain:

Do I feel all of it, or just a little?
I drowned myself in memories, but it didn’t help.
So I’ll start living for today.
But even if I’m a bit lost, yeah, yeah

Before dawn, the twinkling stars vanished.
I wonder: are they really gone?
Or will they be back tomorrow?

Tomorrow never knows
It’s Happy Line.

What should I believe in?
My life flies past me and I don’t even know it.
No matter what the night brings,
Please, don’t frown.

Everyone has happy faces and voices,
I wonder if I can see them.
But even if I can’t laugh, yeah, yeah.
I’ve found my courage at last.
I saw your red eyes and I tried to laugh.

Tomorrow never knows
It’s Happy Line.

I drowned myself in memories, but it didn’t help.
So I’ll start living for today.
But even if I’m a bit lost, yeah, yeah

Before dawn, the twinkling stars vanished.
I wonder: are they really gone?
Or will they be back tomorrow?

Tomorrow never knows
It’s Happy Line.

Her lyrics, her melodies, every one of her songs carries magic. Just read those lyrics. This is one of the first songs she ever wrote, the first song she took to the streets in street lives, pursuing her dreams of music, as a young 15 year old. It carries such power. even tho life seems hard, life seems uncertain, the future seems bleak, it’s about going for your dreams, living out your life to the fullest, no matter how lost we are, to continue to fight. Yes, her music combines all of that. We may be lost, but we need to keep going. Tomorrow will come. It’s always given me strength and hope to keep going on. It’s always fuelled my dreams and passions, letting me feel alive. Like a breath of fresh air. I hope you can see the same things perhaps

One more:

Her music can make tears well up in her own as well as in our eyes. That’s the kind of soul in this. It’s such magic. Such a powerful experience. Whether or not you understand the language the power is still there, the raw emotion, the simplicity of music as a universal language. it’s just amazing

I apologize for my crappy video editing, i didn’t spend time to make things precise or make it flow/make sense.. some things are out of sync or just jump at weird times LOL. So many random clips from the bahamas, my quick whiteboard story drawings (inspired by some youtube videos i saw, i know it’s done and done but hope its cute enough), and me being a poser. HAHA Enjoy!

Lots of love songs out there so this is my own cheesy love song. It’s a song about being infatuated with someone, even though you’re a bit hesitant and reluctant about it, but you just don’t know why you can’t get them off your mind.

But all in all, i like this song xD It’s really fun and chill to play/sing it, lol I think my guitar is off tune but anyway.

lyrics:

every time i close my eyes and fade
into the infinite abyss
of my heart and my soul
in the depth of my unknown
yet all i see
is you

I am tripping over you oh oh
it’s you, everything about you
my heart is racing faster
just a smile from you
is all it takes till

I am tripping over you oh oh
it’s you, everything about you
just make a little left
turn a little right
do you see
what you mean to me?

no matter what I do I can’t shake
this feeling i have in me
every note I sing it won’t lie
you’ve got me enchanted
now all i think
is of you

Copyright Takatsu 2011, All rights reserved.

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